In January 2019 I had an appointment with my lovely psychiatrist Dr S. Upon his advice I slowly titrated off my anti-psychotic. I had been well, stable and in recovery for 18 months so it seemed the right time to come off it. I was also discharged from my CPN.
I happily titrated down to nothing but unfortunately destabilised in February. This led to an admission in March where it both angered and saddened me as I had done 22 months out of inpatient services, and was proud of this as it had been the longest time ‘out’ since 2013.
My mental health continued to deteriorate to the point where it warranted a second admission in July. My relationship with Jade had broken down quite a bit. I had isolated myself from family and stopped talking to them. I had closed down socially, isolating myself from friends.
But my second admission was really helpful. I was on a ward I’d been on years previous so I already knew and respected some of the staff. I was taken in on the Friday night informally after incidents on bridges, four Mental Health Act assessments and lots of police involvement within the same week previous. I spent the weekend sobbing feeling like a failure. But, more importantly I’d reflected.
So when I was called in to see the doctor on Monday afternoon, I went in focused and with a plan. I requested a CPN again (reluctantly) but I’d rather have one and not use them than not have one and not need them. I also requested to go back on the anti-psychotic as that, I reflected, was part of the reason I had destabilised. They were happy to follow my plan and I was discharged after 10 days.
I am still experiencing intrusive thoughts but these do come and go and I already feel so much better being on these tablets . THERE IS NO SHAME IN TAKING MEDICATION FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH; you’d take a paracetamol for your headache, so do it for your mental health. I have also re-established support and social networks by apologising and meeting up with them again.
I have an appointment with my new psychiatrist tomorrow (1st August) and I’m really nervous. I’ve written my own care plan in readiness for him/her. I’m worried they will take me back off the tablet that’s helpful.
Will post soon.
TLR x
The Warrior Within 