On Monday 21st October 2019 I was discharged from the psychiatric ward. I had mixed feelings as I only feel about 70% well and leave didn’t go that well. I came back to the ward Saturday night (due back Sunday night) as I’d tried everything I possibly could to keep myself distracted and busy. But I still couldn’t manage the intrusive thoughts; they were too much. So I went back to be supported by the professionals.
I actually spent Sunday in A&E for an unrelated matter; my blood pressure and saturation levels were all really high and the duty doctor wrote me a letter to go the Royal with. I had deeply slurred speech, could barely walk and was extremely drowsy. I felt as if I’d taken a massive overdose AND was heavily hungover. It was awful. I had bloods done to rule out anything on there, I had a slight infection but nothing to warrant antibiotics and a head X-Ray and CT scan to rule out a mini stroke. I was very well looked after and they put it down to cross titrating my medications and messing them all around, plus the minor infection.
With leave not going so well and having to return to the ward there was doubt whether I would actually be discharged, but I was upon everyone’s agreement. My only concern was community support, or lack thereof.
Today, 22nd, the Early Discharge Team (a branch of the Crisis Team) came to see me for 10 minutes. Dropped in, made sure I was still alive and well, and promised me a follow up with the psychiatrist in 4-6 weeks. I also mentioned I’d spent a good 40 minutes waiting to speak to a GP receptionist about receiving a call back on Friday but I have to call on the day now *eye roll*. They said the re-referral for a CPN was still pending, but the chances of being given another CPN are slim to none.
I do intend to write a post on my friend Amber, whose suicide 16 months ago, I have been struggling with, but I will only write this with her family having control over it’s edit. I am bringing this up now because a woman called Ali messaged me out of the blue this week completely understanding where I sat with Amber’s death on my heavy heart, due to having no one to support her who knew Amber either. I hope we will be a form of support for each other, and Ali if you’re reading this, don’t give up. She wouldn’t want you to xxx
So that’s me back in the community. Bouncing back one step, or a hundred, at a time. I’ve rejoined Slimming World as I mentioned before but I’m down seeing my son at the moment and obviously did not expect to go back into hospital eating hospital food for a further two days, and I’ve got a start date for my new job. Training in less than three weeks time.
Things with Jade are plodding along and I’m going to do some independent research on individual and couples’ counselling on Thursday whilst Jade is at work. We, but especially I, need it.
Sometimes you just gotta hit rock bottom to bounce back/spring back up. And up I will.
Lots a love xxx
The Warrior Within 