I last wrote in July 2020 and have LOTS to update you on! The summer was pretty slow for me. I started the Emotion Regulation Pathway in August 2020 which was pretty basic to begin with but we concentrated mainly on Impulsivity which I tend to struggle with. I have found that continuing with it …
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July 2020: Surviving Lockdown
Well, it was pretty pointless buying a 2020 diary and wall calendar wasn’t it?! I’ve not posted since March and a lot has happened considering its been Lockdown due to Covid-19. I hope everyone has been keeping safe and well and adhering to advice given as per personal circumstances dictate. I’ve been tested four times …
It’s Only February…
Well all my wonderful plans went out of the window didn’t they? I continued contributing to the breakdown of my relationship so on 22nd January, Jade and I decided enough was enough and we would part and go our separate ways. There was fault on both sides, me moreso but I’ve admitted my wrongdoings quite …
2020
2019 was pretty shit. I was in a psychiatric unit four times, spent the majority of it unwell, lost another friend to suicide in October (A.T), broke up with the love of my life in November and December lost my temporary job in retail. BUUUUUUTTTTT…… 2020 is finally upon us and I have made some …
Wading Through Grief
I have many experiences of grief. I’ve been to more funerals than I have weddings which is a deep shame. Everyone who has lost someone goes through the seven stages of grief; Shock and Denial; you may deny the loss or remain in shock for emotional protection. Pain and Guilt; it is important to experience …
Honesty/Hypocrisy: You Choose
I have never professed to be perfect. In fact, in my family, I’m the fuck up. The black sheep. The disappointment. And no this isn’t a beg for “oh surely not” comments; I genuinely am and I’ve radically accepted that. And, at times, I live up to it. I recently posted a video on my …
Why Suicide Isn’t Selfish
**TRIGGER WARNING** This blog post mentions suicide, suicidality and feelings and emotions attached to this action. There will be no disclosure on specific methods, means and if you are feeling suicidal now please Google your local Crisis Centre, hospital or if, like me, you’re in the UK, the Samaritans are there 24/7, 365 days a …
Bouncing Back
On Monday 21st October 2019 I was discharged from the psychiatric ward. I had mixed feelings as I only feel about 70% well and leave didn’t go that well. I came back to the ward Saturday night (due back Sunday night) as I’d tried everything I possibly could to keep myself distracted and busy. But …
Home Leave
Hospital was becoming less effective and although I am not “fixed”, I thought I was at least on my way. I was supposed to go on leave Friday to Sunday and then back for discharge Monday morning but I made the informed decision that I wanted to get back to my ‘normal’ as soon as …
The Fog
I’m starting to think clearer again. Over the past eleven days since my almost fatal overdose, I’m starting to feel more myself. The doctor on my ward is a tough love kinda guy which works well for people like me, not so much for others who need the namby-pamby approach. He says it like it …
The Warrior Within 